I read all of my tumblr posts tonight. I started it in November of 2010. It’s been a tumultuous year. I was dumped, talked to Dani about a FWB deal, considered that I may have feelings for her, missed Shellie, drank a lot, started writing stories partied, became homeless, stopped sleeping consistently, flirted with Marissa, slept with Kenzie, stopped writing stories, kept drinking, moved in to a house, finally slept, came to terms with my feelings with Dani, hid those feelings for too long, discovered the magic of gifs, fought with Alissa, thought about myself, settled my guilt, took a shot of meat loaf, talked waaaay too much about Dani, told Dani how I feel, found a bunch of superhero blogs, tried not to be too bummed that my feelings were reciprocated, and read all my posts.
January 2012
So, I’m following this blog, http://wordsandturds.com/, and this girl is captivating. I find her beautiful, she’s funny, smart, and a lot of her musings are relate-able and thought provoking.
Hm. That’s all I really have to say about the fascinating woman that is Sara David.
All I really want to say is that I still want to be with her, even in the face of what I know about her and experienced around her since I told her.
I know what she wants. I just don’t understand why it can’t be me.
Are the worst hugs because they do.
Because I do.
Good News: I’m not mad at her any more. The anger has certainly subsided.
Bad News: I should not have spent time with her tonight. All I could think about was how we were just friends and she made no attempt to talk about it. She went about things as usual and I was torn up inside.
And my stupid iPod shuffled every love song I have the whole time we were in the car. What a dick.
In a nutshell: No time alone with her for a while. Not until I’m over her.
In my dream last night, Dani kept trying to hold my hand, and made extra effort to be next to me when we were sitting. She wanted me, and it felt nice, and now I’m upset that it isn’t my reality.
